2009 Journal Entries
Your experience of life has nothing to do with your conditions of life.
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Reflection 09-01
The model for learning changes as you go along. You can't absorb or accept the full truth without a progression of learning. If you could just turn around then "IT" would be right there but you would not accept it as the truth so... you have to take a long "walk" around the block to arrive at that same point where you could have just turned around. The long journey brings us to the same place of truth but trials, tribulations and understanding on the long road has prepared you for absorbing the full truth. Maybe! Reflection 09-02 Discover what you want from life. Then proceed immediately to give this to others. After all there is only One of us here! Reflection 09-04 About this misreading of communications. An offer of help may be read as an attempt to control or judge us. It may be, but our sensitive zone responds with our own interpretation. As a result, most communications are flawed. We are trying to read the real intent. It’s always best not to interpret the offer of help. Don’t guess or fantasize. If it is really a conscious or subconscious attempt at controlling or judging, don’t absorb it. A reactive interpretation is not necessary. If you have issues with autonomy, then you might interpret the offer of help as an attempt at controlling you. If you have scarcity issues, then it might be seen as at attempt at judging you as not being enough of something. Reflection 09-05 Early in life we create a story, a screenplay, a handbook about what life is and how it works and what part we play. Through living life we add to the story what “fits” with the story and discard all that does not fit. Our memories become associative with the story and they are changed to fit the story. As life occurs all around us, we open this screenplay and read. If the happenings match our story, we are content. If they don’t match the story then we read aloud from the screenplay, creating a projection of it onto the real world, to inform the other actors of their roles from our perspective and how the story should proceed. If the actors do not cooperate then we try to control the “projection screen”, judge the actors into compliance, or attach ourselves to the need of their compliance. Reflection 09-06 You cast your lot seemingly to be alone. When you release the need for approval from others, the need for them to like you, approve of you and deem you worthy, only then are you free. You are One with those around you but they are still in the fog and unclear as to the truth of all that is. Know that they are a part of you sitting across the table from you. Your left hand disagreeing with your right hand. To learn these things the hardest truth is that there is no "I" and no "THEM", no separation. Once learned the rest is easy. Reflection 09-07 Emotions are feelings aimed at targets. There are only a few feelings but numerous emotions. Emotions require beliefs and involve evaluation. Your experience of life has nothing to do with your conditions of life. The first step is to accept all responsibility for all you think, do and feel. This gives you the power to change your life and your experience of the world. Dream 09-08 A man arrives quietly, unassumingly and delivers an unusual box. The man departs as quietly as he arrived. The messenger delivers a message that sprang from the box in a form and mental model I could understand. It was in the form of a "project plan". This was the response from the head guy of the mega top organization. This head guy returned my proposal with minimal tweaks, really just spelling corrections and commas. But he had added more resources, more elaboration and gave it a greater scope and project size. After I reviewed the materials and got excited about it, another person shows up. A right hand man to the head guy, he would be my guide through the project. He had direct connection to the head guy, whom I never met. The guide would facilitate my actions. He was polite and understanding of me but knew far more. He told me that I would be fully supported in this project, not to worry about my needs, they would be seen to. I would have unlimited resources. I told him that I wanted to know all about the top organization I was working for and the "technology" behind the project. I sensed that there was an extremely advanced form of some kind of "technology" behind it all that I did not know about and was perhaps beyond my ability to understand. The open question at the end of the Dream was this. Do I have the will to start and complete this project. Upon awaking from the Dream I realized what I had signed on to do and who was directing me from the highest realms of the other side. Reflection 09-09 I know you are there. You are everywhere. Your derivatives, your messengers are all around. But you remain veiled. I listen, I plead, I ask for your guidance. Is it you or my subconscious that speaks? It's unclear to me what to do. I've waited for guidance and the best I can tell, I have received none. Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps I don't know how to listen. It's difficult to determine luck from divine synchronicity. If I received assistance, though blurred in my vision, I thank you. As in all my life I wait for a hero, guru, guide, or teacher. Perhaps I am he. I cannot wait any longer or I'll be waiting under flowers. Right action or not, Right deeds or not. I must go forth and write. It's incomplete, a fragment of the truth. So be it. It's enough. It's a lot for those in need. I wait to build a nice life boat for others while they drown. And I stand there with a life preserver in my hands. Give them the little that you know. If you wait until you think you have a complete package, it may too late for others. It may be only a corner of the map but it may save many from suffering. Be the spiritual mechanic. Help them get the car running again and going so that someone more tuned to the truth can then put them on the road to the divine. Be the humble voice in the wilderness to help wake them up and make the path ready for the next higher level of teacher. Reflection 09-10 Constant fantasizing and inventing stories about what others intend is a continual effort to fit their actions into your reality model. Reflection 09-11 To know is to see without dividing the world with either avoidance or attraction. Seeing what is, not the names and associations of objects. To simplify seeing to release your seeing. Not interpreting, not associating with your stories, and not as a projection of the ego. To see all and know that it is right. To feel, not with your emotions, not the biochemical response, not the association of that response with what you project out onto the world, and not with your primal emotive. To sense your essence and know that it is good. To act without doing, from the moment, from the conditions in that moment. Without attachment, without expectation, without reward, without praise to the ego, and without premeditation. To simply act in the aid and love of others – without judgement. Reflection 09-12 Life is a series of choices, all with consequences. Denying your influence on those consequences leads to a cycle of irresponsibility. This leads to a denial of your real impact on the world. The denial of the real results leads us to the three games of pain: controlling, judging and attachment. Suffering commences. Reflection 09-13 But – there is the energy question. As you become more sensitive, more intuitive to life, you can feel and sense the pain energy or the masking of it in others. It radiates from them. If you are around it for a length of time, you absorb it. It changes you. You become that pain energy. Without you interacting at all, you start to vibrate at the same frequency. To counter this, find the beauty in the world, the goodness in others and search for positive creative options. Reflection 09-14 I always thought I was a scientist or para-scientist. From early days I was encouraged into technology and science. But, at in my heart, I was always the poet, the romantic, the visionary, and the explorer. I could do the tech and science stuff but my head and heart was in the softer, feeling, and searching aspects of life. I lived to see the unseen, speak the unspoken, go where few tread, to love – truly – the eternal being in us all... the you beyond desire and attachment, the you that is the all consuming essence. Thought 09-15 You can know the wind only by what it touches. Reflection 09-16 I am experiencing doubt and fear. Nothing is going to happen until I decide and take action. It requires total belief and total commitment. I believe in the work that I do. It's real and it works! I must learn how to BE the work in each moment. What is the doubt then? That I create and no one is interested in the content? My fear is of failure. The work can be of great benefit to others. How can I pass it along in a way that changes lives. I can't believe I am the only one that the process works on. Thought 09-17 People need a beacon first to help them find the shore before they need a flashlight to walk the path. Reflection 09-18 My days are numbered and my goal is simple. To bring joy, creativity and compassion to my other selves that walk the earth. I have transmuted the message, the song of life into a tune all can carry easily. My crossroad is this, I have my doubts. Where do they come from? My work is valid and I feel will lead others back to the Divine Essence. It works. I see it over and over again. Just as in a physical trainer, when the student is willing, the process heads them back to unity. It's strong, valid, effective and brings massive peace. It just goes against the modern cultural ways of living. My greatest fear is that everyone is beyond the point of wanting to listen. I have touched a few and each has resonated. Reflection 09-19 I am here for this. Reflecting on my life, this becomes clear. I have been studying with an unseen guru who requires me to stay in the middle of confusion, false emotions, anger, fear, and sadness. He is testing my metal in the fire and water. This is why my path has been so long. But if it is as it needs to be, then I am content with that. Part of the personal challenge is that I am having difficulty letting go from who I thought I was. Though identities are outerwear, I still have a foot in the old world and a foot in the new. Anxious to take the full stride. I am reluctant to burn my boats and set forth on a new shore, committed. Reflection 09-20 Just as Buddha said, desire and attachment are at the base of it all. That means go ahead and have preferences about life, but be ready for whatever shows up despite your preferences. If it's the preference that shows up, then great! Express that preference. Do not be attached to that preference or the present outcome. To be attached to it is to be owned by it. Then it directs your life instead of you directing your life. With this detachment you show up ready for what the world presents to you and you work with that. You stop creating the world and suddenly see it as it is – much simpler and complete that what you were trying create. Reflection 09-21 There are really no gurus. There is nothing to intellectually learn. The teacher has always been within. The only learning to do is to listen and let that inner voice speak. Instinct is listening to the body. The body knows and will put you in touch with the here and now. Intuition is next, listening to the higher essence. How the body feels tells you what is right in living. The higher essence opens the door to you knowing what is true about existence. If I am the teacher that I have always sought, then I read my journals as that higher essence speaking back to me. Most of the journal writing is unpremeditated. I don't really know what is going to come out. Haven't for years. But the best stuff seems to just flow out. It's the real thing. Next come deeper, more profound direct experience. Exciting but unknown. Only direct experience and expanded consciousness teaches now. Reflection 09-22 Do not persuade, just be and express your visions and perceptions, not scientifically, but poetically. It's not an equation, it's a song. Reflection 09-23 It is difficult to grasp time, density of matter and energy. They are so vaguely defined. We are all water droplets condensing out of the quantum mist. Ever present, ever now. In the expanse of the now, we are brief. It’s as though we are a grove of trees, all apparently separate above the ground of the quantum soil. But we are all connected below the soil’s surface. Reflection 09-24 If you are not trying to please others, then how can you fail? If you are expressing the truth of your perceptions, how can you fail? If you fear you are not able, how do you measure that and and what meaning could it possibly have? If you fear you will change your mind, this merely reflects your process of learning. Reflection 09-25 State your preference in a situation but stop trying to control you world. Peacefully and respectfully decline to be controlled by others. Acknowledge the goodness in them and be forgiving of their errors in perception. Eliminate all thoughts and words that reflect your judging of others. Render no opinions about others that are not positive thoughts. All is opinion until you know the real and unimagined truth. Release your attachment to people, places and things. Learn how to love or have possessions without possessing. All of these are a form of fear expressed about your perception of the world. The only way is not to fear, but to love. Reflection 09-26 Our sense of separation from others causes us to degrade their circumstances in order to improve ours. This is done without our taking responsibility for the consequences of our actions. Thought 09-27 Navigate through the whirlpools of the negative personal energies of others, undeflected. |
