2010 Journal Entries
​

Experience the nobility of your essence,
​the truth of what's real,
and the beauty of creative existence.​

Reflection 10-01
What if the ancient Hindi's were correct? What if our essence exists outside of time and space and that consciousness is a projection of our essence from that dimension into this one? We, our true self, would exist "elsewhere" and dreams itself into this world. The universe is far, far more esoteric than we know. What if the "physical" is just a special case. The veil and forgetting when coming back into this world is required so that the essence can experience the ignorance of separation and the joy of relearning about it all. What a divine structure. Twenty years ago I would have thought this a fantasy, but today it seems more real and more possible the more I experience. 

Reflection 10-02
From a loss of trust in the world, the Vedas and Gita teach about the reality of what is. From a sense of loss of safety in the world, Buddhism teaches about the removal of suffering. From a sense of loss of eternal love, Christ teaches that all is love for eternity. From meditation one learns that a sense of separation is an illusion.

Reflection 10-03
What is beauty? How do you express it? There is beauty and then there is transcendent beauty. One is simply a pleasure, the other is a universal, mind numbing wave that washes over you. There is, in fact, no beauty "out there". If I look at something and see beauty and you see nothing then what is the beauty? Or we both close our eyes, then where is the beauty? Beauty is our essence momentarily projecting and expressing itself outward and making a deep and overwhelming connection with the world. Unfortunately for most of us that connection only comes to us for a few seconds when we are hammered over the head with a sunset that we cannot ignore. Most of the rest of the time we ignore or totally miss the rest. How do we become newly aware of the rest of our beauty connection? Through connection, non-separation! With connection comes the sense of beauty, of perfection. Beauty is understanding what you bring to the world, expressing the sense of perfection and connection. To see, sense, feel, know and then do based on that knowing that all that is already is perfect and in unity. We create beauty by showing others that their own beauty is hidden and ready to express itself by seeing all that is as beautiful, a reflection of their own inner goodness. 

Reflection 10-04
Your core essence can be accessed immediately. There is no need for years of meditation, studies, or gurus.
Your unconscious wants its needs noticed and fulfilled.
You have resistant sub-stories based on old assumptions and flawed perceptions.
There is a way to integrate your core essence with your daily living.
There are states of awareness beyond core essence. Further states about reality and meaning.
You don't need to process all the parts and problems that you think or feel you have. Just as in the story of the Gordian Knot, cut to the core and live from there. The rest dissolves. 
Expanded awareness equals expanded skills and insights.

Allegory 10-05
A Shaman lived long ago. She did her best to be there for her people. She bridged this world and the other. She learned her craft from her elders so that she may help as best she can. There were the plants and herbs and how to mix and apply them to her people where needed to keep them physically well. She was their counselor to help with daily emotional needs. She was present in their world to help them read reality so that they may know how the universe and Mother Earth were aiding and directing them. She was also there to cross over into the other world when needed to bring wisdom, news, important knowledge and guidance for the whole tribe's future. She humbly did all these things in service to her people. And they appreciated her. She had a place in this world. Her presence was as a Shaman. She released  herself to serve others. She held all in a sacred sanctuary of life and existence.
Now she is a he. An old and weathered Medicine Man. She/he still does the work. Away from the advances of the world's civilizations. Living apart in relative peace, the tribe goes on as it has for centuries. He knows that what he does is what he has always done throughout time. Learn and Heal. As the years and centuries have passed, he has seen more human erosion, more conflicts and more disconnection from what is. He works harder to help nurture peace. But fewer are listening. The tribe is fragmenting, diluting, and drifting away. Soon it may be gone all together. The have forgotten the ways of existence. Throughout time and all his/her existences, few have wanted to be bothered with learning about all that is. Fewer still wanted to be of service to others. They have forgotten who they are, they are asleep. How can he help bring the circle back around to peace?
Another chance has been given to try to learn and to heal. But now it's a much larger challenge. There are no tribes, no elders, no older Shamans to learn from. The chain of learning has been broken. Why has this type of challenge been given to him? People have evolved, the society is very different. The last couple of hundred years has seen more change than the past ten thousand years. The universe, the earth are the same but the nature of the people is different. The old ways are good. They work. But they stand little chance of being of help in this new culture, this new stage of evolution. It's as though he/she has landed on a new world. He still knows, at some level, all the old knowledge. But he needs to translate it all into this new culture, these new conditions, into these new words. But there is a new aspect. As with the old tribes, there are those that still need his direct help and guidance. But we have a new stage of development. It's a transition from indirect and representative connection with all that is, to a place of all of us being able to have direct connection with minor guidance. It is primarily a change in responsibility We still have one foot in the world where we see everyone else is responsible for our happiness and well being. And we take little responsibility for the rest of our lives. The other foot is in the new world. Here we realize we are responsible for every thought, feeling and deed we take and all the consequences of those. The world and its people are growing up, not without its problems along the way. So he is faced with how to change the old ways, given the new conditions of society, without loosing the essence of all the steps. Before he/she spent a few years learning the old ways and the rest of his/her life applying what was learned and being the tribe's "connection". 
Now he spends most of his life learning. And, seemingly, less of his life healing. It's clear as to why. In the tribes, all knowledge was passed on verbally. Now it can pass on with him....if, he can translate and bring the old ways forward in such a way that enables today's people to learn, heal themselves and reconnect. In the old ways the medicine man lived in the middle of day to day activities of the tribe. And except for occasional vision quests, was tied to grounded reality of the tribe. In the past 5000 years as society grew, became complex and exploded with power struggles and greed the shamans retreated into places where no one else wanted to live, to escape and retain who they are. They slowly disappeared from local society. Religion and churches moved in to occupy that niche. 
What did the old shamanism look like? What would the new version look like? Providing the same fundamental services but in the new culture, with the new society's words, packaging, and meaning but yet in a way that enabled each person to rediscover the truth of what is, who they are at this level of essence, and what the core intentions of society's essence is and has always been. To step into the responsibility of gently growing up and being a mature being in the world of all that is, has been, and will be. 

Reflection 10-06
We consider that this world is "real". It is just different in how it presents itself. It is the exception, not the rule. Perhaps my having flashes of this world is interrupting "Dreamtime". 
Perception is discontinuous. We "stitch" the micro pieces of perception together and close out the Dreamtime that is between moments of perception. Experiencing all in one time, as simultaneous time, can seem comfortable if you let go of the stitched together linearity and embrace simultaneous ambiguity. Then it seems right!
The linear string of moments only seem continuous. We see the past as separate. We see the future as an extension of the past. Our brain links thoughts into a false continuum. Our perception of moments is so slow that we are not aware that the movie is playing at 30 frames per second. We link the individual awareness frames into a continuum. The ego mind needs continuity of awareness to feel that the ego truly exists. 
If we tease apart the moments and extend the space between the moments, we discover another world exists. Altered states expand the now and show the space between moments, a space of discontinuity, ambiguity and trance based logic. 

Reflection 10-07
Intuitive flashes, past flashes seeming to be daydream fantasies follow a form. They are without logic, non-associative, pop in from nowhere, bring a feeling or emotion and offer a connection. These flashes fill the space between moments. Once noticed and valued, they show up more frequently. So, over the long years, not knowing what are the flash moment perceptions of others, I have not given proper value and attention to my visions, inspired moments, intense trance feelings, insights, and intuitive hits! What would happen if these were to feel as real as my normal cognition?

Reflection 10-08
I always wanted a reason to meditate (he laughs out loud at the keyboard!). Little did I realize that I have been in a form of meditation all along. So the next steps are: Explore trance and find the world between moments. Realize discontinuity and embrace it. See God in you and me and in every moment. Help others to break through the illusions. Experience the energy in life. See fully.

Regression 10-09
So where do I start? But there is no start. I went through Interlife Regression. During the steps into that state, while white light was flowing from my toes to my head, I experienced energy shocks and jolts in my body. To the point that I was jerking around in the chair. I was relaxing just fine but the Chi was disordered and going every where. At that point Tim asked if I knew how to do the Microcosmic Orbit routine for moving Chi. I nodded yes and began the circuit. As I did my body settled down, the Chi settled down and I released. I was ready to move up and out. I saw something very familiar from my meditations. It was as if I were moving through a dark tunnel. It was not dark as in evil or scary. It was simply a soft comfortable darkness but there was a wave approaching of a dark, rich blue light cloud that seems to appear as a small cloud then grow large and dissipate, to be replaced by the next one. Then I realized that I actually might be moving through stationary soft clouds of rich, dark blue light. If I relaxed, each blue cloud just approached, grew bigger and then filled my view before disappearing. I have done this before in meditation and have seen it change mostly to purple or indigo, but occasionally to red and more recently to brilliant lime green.
​ I have come to understand that I have had spontaneous flashes of the Interlife and Past Life. Some only an intuition, a glimpse, a flash and some briefly more clear. Now they seem more real and make more sense. And I just remembered that when I visited my sister last spring, she said that despite all of Mom's problems that she was a natural intuitive and so was my grand mother. So my seemingly grand imagination may only be a screen for past life reflections. 
Now once I entered the Interlife, it took a few moments to adjust and feel what was around me. There was something all around me. Someone or people were there but they were not. Questions were coming at me from out of the warm and friendly mist. I felt wonderful here though I also felt my more real home was somewhere farther away. My lifelong love of the stars above in a non-science way started to make sense. I felt that I had been selected to go and observe and report back. There was something incomprehensible about early existence and I was assigned to report back on what I learned. Then there was an overwhelming feeling about this space. It was more than love, so much more than earthly existence. I couldn't hold back the tears. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of this space. My comment was "why would anyone want to leave this place?". Besides the observe and report assignment, I knew that I had to go back. I had more work to do. 
The lesson was so simple and so hard. To learn true Forgiveness. By seeing the essence and good in everyone. And I felt so good because I felt I had made some progress in this. To live in a state of forgiveness and grace. Forgiveness was and is acceptance. 
I rapidly moved from the Interlife Regression phase to the Natal stage. I didn't really want to come back, but knew it was my assignment. Once I accepted that, I was ready to go and eager to get started. I did feel that my  Mother did not really want a child and she was doing her duty. Two duties. The social duty of providing a child to a husband, but more importantly, playing her Karmic role of giving me "a way into this world". To provide the body. We both used each other as agreed for our Karma. Though I often wished I had a family, I only needed a way in and then impatiently waited to leave my original home and begin this journey. She provided the way in, taught me strength, self reliance, and how to protect myself. Somehow this was the Karma she was working on. I am not clear how but I had a true sense that our two Karmas were linked in that way and it was really OK and right how it happened. I got the entry I needed to do my work and she did what she could to play her part based on our prior agreement. And somehow, me as a partner helped her to work though some Karma of her own. It was very clear that the dance was planned, appropriate, and played out as it was meant to be. 
After birth, my mother felt empty and distant. I had a sense of my Father holding me. As I looked into his eyes, I cried. I felt he was so happy to have me. But I remember no more of my Father. Before this, I had remembered nothing of him. But I saw him close up as he held me, his happy eyes, greying temple hair, wearing a suit and a real happiness to hold me. I am thankful for those few moments.
Then I felt my grandmother there. She knew so much more than she said. She knew and she was happy to see me. But mostly I remember my sister. Of all, she was the most excited about my coming. Her little brother. She and I have been together before. I was far closer to her than to mother, though my sister never acted as a substitute mother. My sister and grandmother seemed very familiar. 

Reflection 10-11
There is no "I". Never was.
All action, thoughts, and feelings have consequences across time and space. 
As above, so below. We are all connected.
Space and time are simultaneous. What you send out, arrives back instantaneously.

Reflection 10-12
To be home again. I feel so much more calm, as if I can now relax. I believed all my life that I had a vivid imagination and could visualize in vast detail. It was fun. Things popped into my mind and I played with them like toys. My mother was an intuitive and it was a burden for her. I am intuitive and it is a friend. But I never thought that these images, these scenes, were real. I didn’t believe that they were flashes from the past, from the future and from other places. I am here to observe and report as well as for the human mission to learn the fullness of Forgiveness. This is clear now. The flashes I receive have relevance. Now I will tune into them even more. I also see that I chose this personality structure because it facilitates my mission. I always looked for a life purpose. Little did I realize that I was on an assigned mission and that it was very simply defined and difficult to execute. Learn and report back the sense and meaning of the incomprehensible in life. I am a teacher but I am not primarily here to teach. All I have learned will be transmitted to the others when I return to my original home. I learned the full depth and meaning of forgiveness in all its non-earth meaning. How wonderful it is. How releasing, how loving, and how connecting. Karma was always a bit strange, but now it makes such beautiful and simple sense.