2014 Journal Entries
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What is love beyond words?
Presence beyond being?
A shadowless love without objects?

In Meditation 14-01
The guide emerges again. Female, diffuse, all white, glowing, no face, gown drapery, and no distinct body. Sort of tall, quiet. Shows or gives one or two word answers. Loving, reassuring, there. When asked what to write about, she answers – about connection. I sense she to be on a divine level. But how? My experience is fleeting and without words. Connection? How to describe breaking down the separation we experience? How to sustain connection, grow it? But who wants to listen? No one wants to know. Write it for myself to better sustain my experience. I am but a small speck that thinks, feels and connects.

In Meditation 14-02
Self induced trance. Transitioned through rebirth in reverse to enter Interlife. Immediately back to the distant high key lighting planet. Many are around me of various pastel colors. Familiar and comfortable. Out of the white fog comes my guide? Teacher? Trainer? Serena. There was a glow about her head, not a halo. She has white and blond hair. Tall, thin, features indistinct but definitely female. She told me to write about forgiveness and connection. 

Reflection 14-03
I am sure about the meaningfulness of the books I have written so far. They are the truth about ourselves and how we respond to the world. They stand on solid ground. We have come to the edge of my world, from here on it gets a lot more fuzzy, ambiguous, and intangible. How to proceed? Now I don't have others to reference, only me, and funny as it is, that is an illusion also. Ironic that my pen ran out of ink right there in the journal. 
So where to go with it all? I continue to meditate and explore but it is on slippery ground. Self is an illusion, the world beyond is strange beyond imagination. There may be little progress from here onward, or maybe still quantum jumps ahead. Looking back it is hard to explain the leaps forward – what they were and discovering them on hindsight and not to fall into pride about apparent leaps. Looking back, quantum leaps now seem like small steps up. 

Reflection 14-04
The mind is a distressing thing. The winds of fears, desires, and perceived needs blow you this way and that, moment to moment. To find center, set sail without the ego on board. To navigate the winds of fears and desires, to seek your destination of peace, harmony and bliss. Just ignore the winds and only notice how they buffet you, but use your awareness of them to fill your sails to home. Notice, notice, notice the turbulence of how you are perturbed. It is only wind, nothing real. 

Reflection 14-05
Retreat from the angry waves of arrogance, the unreasonable illusion of pride, and the wastefulness of acquisition. 
A quiet life away from the storms, to sit and meditate and live simply. To be still and away from the lies and illusions. Mine is to live simply by what I know and feel and believe is true. 

Reflection 14-06
The path from a logical mind to an intuitive mind consists of going from:
    Objective to subjective.
    Concrete to nebulous.
    Understanding to knowing.
    Proof to feeling.
    Fact to probabilities.
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Reflection 15-05
I have learned many life lessons. I have learned the meaning of Forgiveness. That awareness has come through understanding and acceptance. Forgiveness is seeing the innate goodness in others, no matter the external expression, and knowing it is all OK. 
We learn Forgiveness through the self-realization of the nobility of each of our essences. And by learning what is real by realizing what is most important in life, our relationships. Finally, we learn that there is beauty in each of our creative existences. 

Reflection 14-06
Perhaps the next move is from journaling to journeying. Trance with a direction and purpose, traveling to heal and help others as I have always wanted to do, starting with becoming a Reiki Master 30 years ago. Most cannot take these steps. Most cannot travel to learn the Interrupts, the steps of Chivalry. They are just not ready or able. So help them where they are right now. With the health and simple happiness issues, help them make changes that they can live with today and tomorrow. I will keep seeking and stumbling, but for now just help them in the simple things. Find guides that can help. Travel and journey to find answers from those who know. 

In Meditation 14-07
I asked the woman in white what I can learn from her. She said to be at peace in life. That it takes several lifetimes to complete a sentence, a thought, a balancing. 

Verse 14-09
To be here for each other
is the fabric of creation,
the continuity of existence,
the connection of love. 

To help remove the suffering
exists beyond time and eons
before there was civilization
before drawings in caves.

The overwhelming defining relation
of one being to another
is to create love
and not to destroy existence.

The Reluctant Pilgrim
drawn to it but avoiding 
the task at hand.