2018 Journal Entries
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What would you create if there was no one else here to experience it?

Reflection 18-01
My life experiences have been my training to deal with the changes and chaos that always seems to come. Am I to be one of the calm ones that helps and guides those in the middle of the chaos?
I was shown what “home” is and given various situations of change, chaos, and loss to deal with and learn how to remain calm. Many life challenges, more than some and less than others, but all meaningful: elementary school bombing, being first on the scene of a fatal car accident on remote road, love and loss, cancer, total house fire, family deaths, family dramas, and divorces to name only a few. Each forced a difficult and life changing choice that lead to learning forgiveness, compassion and how to live creatively. It has all been progressive training to exercise calmness during chaos and help direct others who are lost at that time.
It seems that I change during those situations to become this calm and centered being, looking to take care of those around me. A role of support and just being there for others. When the time is needed for presence, I arrive. We are here for this purpose, waiting until the moment we are needed.

Reflection 18-02
I have looked at my regressions individually, but only recently have I thought about them all in a bigger picture, and why I received them in a sequence that I have. They are a progression of consciousness expansion.
After the non-regression sessions, I understood how hypnosis works and how it can be used of issues in this life. The next step was the Interlife/Birth regressions. This took awareness to a whole new level. We had stepped into the non-obvious and some what the spiritual awareness. The next regression was with the Shaman and the Girl. This connected a vivid and detailed past life experience with someone in my present life. Every step was unexpected and not premeditated. Many, many revelations came through. The narrative “leaked” into my non-trance day. I was excited, this was a real visualization of unexpected trance events.
To set the groundwork for more regressions, a progression was revealing itself. Next came a regression about a spiritual teacher. It was not just a story. It was a progressive series of realizations, all of which had a huge relevance to my life and my experience of my self. The whole narrative came from “nowhere” spontaneously. It expanded the meaning of my current life.
The next regression was the Trapper. This amazingly came from nowhere also. It materialized slowly. It was subtle and soft, a real experience of love in a very new way. 
What was starting to become apparent was that each past life was significant. Not as kings or queens, warriors or movie type stuff. Many of my colleagues undergoing regression were having “dull”, somewhat gray and uneventful lives, not seemingly providing any learning experience. Mine were all relevant and deeply meaningful and apparently not random in their sequence.. Almost as a progression slowly revealing more depth to my experience in the spirit world. 
The turning point was the “home” regression. It jumped directly to the Interlife and a sense of returning to my “spiritual home”. It was amazing and so moving that I was crying. It was my home, another world, and another dimension with friends and guidance and love. I was amazed and illuminated by the experience. The experience was direct, real in its own way and remarkable. I knew it was a real milestone on a long road. 
The regression that followed was the meeting with Serena and her teaching me what love really is. I could not have guessed what would have happened and that I would have a real experience of something so hard to explain. Now that the door was open, the revelations and direct experiences were coming through fast. 
These all progressed in a particular way to teach me something about the other side of the veil. The past life experiences were to show me that this process really worked. Now that this was done we could get down to work. None of my regressions were of past lives that were horrible, dull, dramatic, or awful deaths, etc. Each was specifically to show my progression of learning. It also showed that perhaps I had moved past most of the more dramatic Karma. The experiences revolved about remembering the home beyond the veil, what love really is, experiencing connection and realizing the goal of reunion.

Dream 18-03
My dreams are changing. In fact they have changed dramatically in the past week. Before, I would be in a situation indoors or in big cities with people all around. But I had no interaction with them. It was as if they could not see me. Now, I am in the mix and they see me and interact. They are usually in some crisis, not big but important to them. I try to show them that they don’t need to be so conflicted or anxious or worried. But they don’t absorb my words. I seem to have stepped more into the dreamscape. It is a bit frustrating. I seem to know what can help, without being a “know it all”. I am actually wishing to disengage from their drama. How to be helpful without being in their energy dance?

Reflection 18-04
Dawn! The morning is coming alive with light. Everything is fresh and renewed. A rebirth. A new opportunity to experience the day wisely and compassionately. To select graced responses to life, to choose how to be in each moment. The daily meditation, walk, talk, be, choose in a way that you absolutely know is a blessing to all. 
Dissolving frustration and disappointment, even worry. Another day! Each morning I am rising to the task of living that day in patience, goodness, and grace to all and to myself. Everyday, in every way, growing towards the light. 

Reflection 18-05
I have been going after this new knowledge so intensely lately that I am exhausted. But now coming around again with a few months away from it all I am refocusing. I just needed to be “normal” for a while and take a breather from all the research and writing.
But I kept getting so many synchronicity hits directly showing me that I am in it deep and to just keep going. There was the discovery of the Myers-Briggs typing of INFJ. There was also the dreamwork that was happening effortlessly. I realized that the practice of choice being hard was leading to learning and the real sense of when I am in balance and when I am out of balance. 

Reflection 18-06
The artist creates that which can’t be seen, heard or touched, but that which has a strong reality in your heart, mind or soul. The artistic work triggers an intuitive experience, empathic feelings, and expanding awareness. The art is the gateway to the soul.

Reflection 18-07
Memory is more foe than friend. If memory is used to define better choices in the future, then it be a friend, a teacher, and a guide. But most of us use memory to torture ourselves and our loved ones. In fact, once we have reviewed the past memory, we can’t seem to release it and let it fade into the past and resolve to make better choices, knowing that it will take several more attempts to get it right. And being ok with that. 
But there is another way. Faint Remembrance. Resolving when you rise in the morning to forget. To forget all your mistakes, poor choices and transgressions. Forget who you think you are. To approach the world anew, as though you were first setting foot in a new land. Every word, thought or deed is a conscious choice in this moment. We become determined not to drag the huge cart of regrets behind us. No self accusations or self torture. Every day and every moment is an opportunity to “get it right”. 
One small obstacle on this path is the unforgotten remembrances of others. They are still dragging their dark cart of misery behind them. In that cart are also their remembrances of your mistakes. And if they won’t forget their own, they certainly won’t forget yours – but this is OK. You just continue smiling and taking the opportunity to create joy, happiness and wise choices in every moment, while forgetting.

Dream 18-08
My dreams are changing yet again! There are more obvious things in them that are “not right”. Things that couldn’t happen in the waking world. Previous dreams were realistic and followed physics though I sensed there was something discontinuous and not repeatable about the events. 
Hypnosis has been a huge gateway to past lives, the inter-dimensional and source contacts. It was a giant leap forward. But I find self hypnosis lacking. If you are going by script and giving suggestions, then self hypnosis works. But what I am doing is open ended, taking me to a “place” to “to see what happens” without a  live hypnotist to react and respond to every changing trance landscape does not work. I get lost without constant guidance during trance, e.g. guidance from a hypnotist. I either go way deep or fall asleep or both. 
I had some great realizations but now can’t seem to reconnect. I must go back and see what I did to connect and experience spontaneously. I feel that I am connecting and maybe learning from the hints and directions.

Reflection 18-09
Sometimes when there is a psychological wound, the questions become – What caused it? How did it happen? What is the fix? Yet, if the world, the universe is self correcting, self healing then the response might be different. We start by setting an intention of healing, setting the body and mind to a state of energy abundance and right connection with the world. And simply place a virtual, metaphoric “bandage” on the wound. Let God, the Universe, or All There Is do what needs to be done. We just get along with our path, in the present moment, not constantly returning to the past. You learn the lesson presented and then move on to the next one, not continually replaying the previous errors and their less satisfying results. The trick is to release the past that the subconscious is attached to. The way to this is to choose your response to everything. Stop, reflect and choose a response on the basis of your innate goodness and good will. Embodying All That Love Is. 
We forget to live in the present moment. That is the only place where love and creativity can thrive. There you will find the passion for life, beauty, truth and connection, living fully without attachments. Living All That Love Is.

Reflection 18-10
The sages say that knowing about God is not enough. You cannot change by rearranging your thoughts! Transformation comes through realizing or feeling God. What has to change is your behavior and feelings. The whole person will be working in a new way. 

Dream 18-11
My dreams continue to change. There is still the usual stuff, e.g alternate reality stuff of little interest. But there are sections that stand out and I don’t have to work hard to remember them. Last night during my dream I was having a very home like feeling. All high key in look but not as high key as the alternate planet regression – not very corporal. I was sort of there but not all there. I could see arms and hands but I did not look for feet or feel a stepping of feet. I was comfortably scrambling up an incline that overlooked a valley. Now’s here the odd part. The slope I was half gliding up and half pulling myself up with my hands was crystalline. Imagine the slope was made of small to fist size quartz crystals bonded solidly together. No dirt or grass or trees. Think of a granite slope but made of bonded together quartz crystals. They did not feel sharp, just pointed enough to give traction and grip. I looked over to the valley. The light was very soft like an overcast day, just a universal white light like a thinly foggy day. The trees were short, 20 to 30 feet high, and deciduous. The trees seemed to be in groves, like they were planted. The trees, ground and everything were white, while hazy and inviting. No one else was around. It was comfortable and natural. 
Then I began to awaken and I directed myself to return to the dream state to hang onto the scene. All the other dream sequences of that night faded except this one. Four hours later it is still clear to me. 

Meditation 18-12
I doubt what I have experienced in meditation, in hypnosis or even during awake, conscious “flashes”. Yet, they seem so hyper real. I have been struggling with what is imagination and what is hyper real. It is difficult to accept the hyper real. But it makes so much sense in a strange sort of way. In hypnosis, some trances go very deep and I don’t recall what I experienced. I go somewhere deep but, most of the time, I am awake to what is  happening. Sort of like a lucid dream. I question if I am making it up. But it always goes to places I did not expect. There is no hesitation as in imagination narratives. And there is more a feeling in a trance, where in imagination it seems to be a mental activity. It is an experience of something hyper real – people, places, or events. They don’t feel foreign, but very familiar.